I feel a hollowness in my stomach when I think about doing it. Everytime, I find myself scrounging for ways to get out of doing it, for reasons fit enough to excuse me from going ahead with it. I have the means, I have the time, I have the logic that deems it the right thing to do, but I no longer have the will.
I know it's right but it doesn't feel right. I feel guilty, but I still don't want to do it. I want to stay put, but above all I want my staying put and not doing it to be ok. But I know that's not gonna happen, and I know it's the right thing because if I don't do it I will regret it.
Will I?
If I'm being honest I will regret not doing it, not because it's the right thing to do, but because not doing it will give them the right to reproach me about it.
I will regret not doing it because I hate it when they reproach me, when they give me hell about it for weeks on end.
I guess that makes me a pretty bad person.
Maybe I'm not as good as I think I am.
And maybe that's ok.
Then again, it probably isn't.
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