submission #9

Dear you,

You think, feel and say such things yet it seems you don’t actually think about their meaning or how they will affect those you say them to. 

You drown in feelings and forget about other feelings and the other people who might be feeling them. 

What you said to me, and the way you said it, not only doesn’t make sense at times, but it clearly demonstrates the way you feel about me and what you think of me as a friend and as a person. It was a clear message about how all the time, energy and feelings I invested in you -in our friendship- in the end meant close to nothing to you, because none of it was taken into account in your analysis of the situation.

At first, what you said hurt my feelings. Now, it just makes me angry, because I am an incredible friend. But, like you said, I have a problem, which is caring too much. You pushed me to my limit, and instead of defying and fighting against that limit, I acknowledged it and respected it. I asked you to do so as well. However, you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that there were real emotional limits to respect. You still can’t wrap your head around the fact that I was about to become collateral damage of your issues. In the end, it is a problem and it’s solely mine. So I say again: I don’t know how to be the friend you want me to be, so please respect the fact that I’m going to stop trying. Respect that I stopped risking hurting myself emotionally for you. Because it is my way of addressing my problem. 

So, it makes me angry, these implied accusations of me not only being a crappy friend, but a crappy person in general. Frankly, I will not stand for it, not until you understand how you insulted me, and apologize for it. 

Unfortunately, we are alike in that we are proud and stubborn, so this is doomed to be a waiting game. Waiting to see who will cave first, who will swallow bitter pride and approach the other. 

Waiting for the other to feel enough remorse for that to be worth it. 

And I highly doubt it will be me. Because despite the fact that you made me angry, anger can be swallowed and forgotten much more easily than confusion and resentment, which seems to adequately describe how you feel and what you think, 

of me, 

of our freidnship, 

and of the whole situation in general.  

Until then, 

B